I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
