So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
