break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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