I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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