Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
3pm strippers are depressing
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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