I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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