I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
