Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
