I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
