fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize