We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My ATM looks so different sober.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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