I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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