All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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