So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Randomize
