He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
