just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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