Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
