He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
