And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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