what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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