if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
