I should be sponsored by Trojan
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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