Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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