I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
