after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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