Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
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bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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