In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
