with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
