I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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