Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
