i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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