He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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