He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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