Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
