Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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