ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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