cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
third nipple confirmed
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
