:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
