Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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