I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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