White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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