The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
