I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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