Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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