we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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