Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
