It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
