my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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