so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
