i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
