It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
