He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
