We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
