Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I could make wine with my vomit
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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