Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
