You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
