It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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