I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize