So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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